Talking to Adoptive Parents - What Not To Say

One of the biggest frustrations in the adoption community is the fact that those who are not touched by adoption usually do not understand it.

Families that are created by adoption are considered an oddity and often those who are not familiar will say things that can be hurtful, even when that is not their intention. If you are in a public place and see a family where the children don’t physically resemble the parent, consider not saying anything at all.

If you have a friend of family member who is adopting, try to avoid:

"Now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant!"First of all, this statement is hurtful because it says that the adopted child is not wanted - that somehow this child is second best. We are choosing not to have biological children in favor of adopting! We made the choice that we wanted a child and there were children who needed parents. What a great combination we make! Please just keep in mind that adoptive parents just want their decision to be accepted as what is best for them.

"Are Those Your Real Children?"By using the word "real" you are saying that families formed by adoption are not real. Of course, all children are real and each one of them is loved and cherished equally by the adoptive parents. Maybe you mean “biological” and, does it really matter whose body they came out of to join their family?

"Which ones are yours?"Once a child is adopted, they belong in that family. If you say "which ones are yours" you are separating the adopted child from the rest of the family. Just as the husband and wife belong together without sharing genetic material, so are their children a part of them even though they don't share genes.

"What happened to her real parents?" First, this falls into the same category as the "real children" question. Of course the adopted parents are the child's real parents. Maybe you mean the “biological” parents and that information is the child’s personal history that is hers to share-not her parent’s. Remember that private does not mean negative, it just means private.

“How much did she cost?” You do not buy or sell children. No child costs anything. Lawyers, agencies, government fees, doctors, and travel agents cost money. If you want to know about the cost of the adoption process consider using the internet or calling an adoption agency. You would never ask a biological mother how much her hospital bill was.

“What language does she speak?” If she is under a year-probably baby language!

Ethan Miller - on TV!

Those of you who live in San Diego, be sure to watch channel 4 on Sunday the 25th at 9:00. One of my short films will be featured on a show that presents independent films. The film is a 15 minute romantic comedy called Ethan Miller. It was filmed with zero budget and volunteer actors. If you don't get that channel, you can view it below on a very small screen.

Abigail's Court Date

We finally have a court date for our adoption hearing in Taiwan. It is scheduled for Tuesday, January 20th, right before things shut down in Taiwan for Chinese New Year celebrations. This will be a big step in the process. Many families travel only 3 months after their court date so we are hoping we may be so fortunate. Chinese New Year may slow things down a bit so we'll see. We will be thinking about Abby and her birth family on the court date and praying that things go well.

Rachel and Jonah, Sitting in a tree!

While we were in Phoenix, Rachel was up in Canada. She was busy getting engaged to Jonah! We are so excited for the two of them. Here's a pic of the happy couple and one of the ring that Jonah designed for Rachel.

Christmas in Phoenix

We drove to Phoenix to celebrate with Jon's Mom, Dad, and brother Jamey until New Year's Day.

Here are the brothers having a war with the marshmallow guns that we got. They launch those marshmallows pretty far!